In The Morrow
by thelittlerat
Summary: Gail/Holly - Six weeks into her relationship, Gail decides it's time to tell everyone, but first comes across a kid in the park in need of help. 3 Feb 14: Chapter 3 added. This story is complete.
1. Introduction

Gail looked down at her watch for the fifth time in the last half-hour. She silently grimaced with the realization that she still had an hour left on shift - an hour patrolling the freezing snow-covered streets of Toronto in a squad car with Andy humming the entire Journey playbook beside her. She cursed her luck and prayed for time to somehow speed up and get her into the warm comfortable bed of her girlfriend's as quickly as possible.

After six-weeks of dating, Holly and she had a general rule. If Gail finished shift and could be at Holly's by one in the morning then she would come over; if not, she would go to her place. It wasn't really a rule favored by either of them, but too many exhausted days walking around like zombies after spending a little too much time enjoying the still newness and excitement of their relationship dictated the necessity.

Gail looked at her watch again. Two minutes had passed and it was now eleven pm. If she could go the next hour without anything but a speeding ticket or two, head back to the station to quickly write up her notes for the day and change quickly, she could make it to Holly's just shy of the deadline. She tapped her fingers on her knee willing the gods to work in her favor.

Lost in thought, she felt the car begin to pull over and realized Andy was parking near one of the busy intersections just out of sight from the motorists. Gail smiled to herself thinking maybe the gods were listening and planned to even be nice to the first speed-breaking motorist as payment. Hell, she would even be nice to Andy for the rest of the hour if it meant going home on time. Things between the two of them were getting better, but were still not that great. Ever since the Ford shootings, the two just silently seemed to agree to let things go. There were other, far more important things, to worry about. Time went on and what started as Gail taking a few of Andy's shifts so she could spend more time with Sam, or Andy including Gail in an invite to Traci to go for a few beers turned into a détente between the two. They still weren't exactly close friends, but the anger was gone and shifts were bearable. Gail peered over and caught a glimpse of Andy as she watched the cars going by waiting for someone to blow the light. She knew if she told Andy about the one a.m. rule, she would bend over backwards to make sure she made it. Andy was just that kind of person; and now that she and Sam were back together and crazy-happy in love, she was in the kind of mood where she wanted everyone else to have the same happiness. It was equally annoying and endearing.

The only problem with telling Andy about the rule was that she never actually told her about Holly in the first place. Andy didn't even know she was dating anyone. Actually she hadn't mentioned it to anyone except Traci and even with her it was more Traci figuring it out and not being afraid enough of Gail to drop hints every now and then until Gail finally caved. Chris and Steve were fairly clued in but they never broached the subject and Gail didn't volunteer any information. Dov had asked her a few times where she was hanging out when he finally realized she was barely home, but she shrugged it off and he knew better to ask again. He was so busy with helping Chloe recuperate; she wasn't exactly a priority for him.

After the shootings, everyone just started to move on and concentrate on their own lives and, for that, Gail was grateful. It had given her the time to really work out what was going on between Holly and her without the pressures of being in a public relationship. Those first few weeks hadn't exactly been easy. The emotional roller-coaster, confusion and fear had almost ended them before they even really started, but somehow they got through it and were beginning to find a true sense of understanding and commitment with each other. If she were to be honest, this was the first relationship she had ever truly put time and energy into building. Usually she just allowed lust and the excitement of the chase to turn into familiarity, but with Holly it was different. They were friends first – the familiarity was already there before the attraction began. Gail corrected herself…before she allowed herself to give into the attraction would probably be a better way of putting it. Some part of her had been attracted to Holly from first glance, but it was accepting that part of herself - of allowing herself to feel emotions she has long since buried that had caused those first few weeks to be difficult.

Holly was an open person and not just with her sexuality. She gave friendship, trust and love freely and without limit to all those who wanted it. She was warm and generous with her time and didn't hide behind smokescreens and charades. The pessimist in Gail couldn't help but once ask Holly how many times her kindness got her burned. Holly just shrugged her shoulders and told her she had spent too many years lost in books, laboratories and bad relationships to not value the gift that is humanity. Sometimes it burned you, but that was okay because sometimes it brought you blonde pseudo-cynics that were worth the patience.

In other people she would have regarded the sentiment as a sign of weakness, but with Holly she admired it a great deal. Wrapped in the kindness was also a genuine strength Gail rarely saw in people. Holly's openness and trust was not without its boundaries – when a friend burned her, it took time to regain that relationship back- if that was even an option at all. It was that observation that had led to many sleepless nights for Gail those first few weeks. Walking down this path with Holly and not being able to make it work wouldn't have just been about losing another lover, it would have been losing the closest friend she had ever had.

Surprisingly it was the fear of failure that got them through because it made Gail do something she had never done in prior relationships – she actually talked to Holly about it. What surprised her most was to learn Holly was struggling with the same fears. It was in those moments the two of them truly began to build a relationship. Gail had promised she wouldn't run and Holly promised she wouldn't push and day-by-day things just got easier. Six weeks in and Gail was beginning to feel like she was settling into the new normal of being Holly's girlfriend. The fear of losing Holly was now at a level that kept her wanting to continue to be better but not enough to worry her and the joy of finding someone that just got her so perfectly made her smile and shiver in the most random moments. She knew it was time to really show Holly how important this was to her and to do that she needed to start telling her friends and family.

Listening to Andy switch from 'Faithfully' to 'Don't Stop Believing' as she flipped the sirens when a BMW flew through the light made her question for the hundredth time why she was having such difficulty getting the words out. Her friends were kind of as odd as she was so why should revealing a part of herself be so difficult? They all gossiped like old women about who was dating who, but that was just what happened when you spent as many hours with people as they did in such close quarters and in a stressful environment. She thought about the different ways she could tell them – ways to minimize the gossip. The easiest would be to somehow let Chloe in and everyone in Toronto would know by day's end, but that didn't seem fair to her friends. She could gather them around and make some kind of declaration, but she more preferred being stoned and left tied to a pole in the blazing hot sun than that option. That left the 'falling sideways' method. She would just begin to bring Holly around more and not be as quiet about the whole thing and people could just start figuring it out for themselves. She imagined that is what Chris and Steve were currently in the middle of, unless Traci had somehow helped them along, and it seemed to be working. Her circle of friends wasn't exactly huge so it shouldn't be that difficult except she knew that them all knowing also meant the division would know and that worried her. She had spent so many years hearing 'Peck Princess' muttered under breath as she walked by, she couldn't even imagine what new adjectives her fellow officers would add to the mix. Plus the division knowing meant she had to tell her parents and they were going to be a little more difficult to deal with - there was not falling sideways with them. Now there was a conversation she wouldn't mind Chloe taking control over.

Gail smiled at the thought of Chloe doing her dirty work for her as she finished running the plates and license of the BMW. The woman was clean but probably needed to turn in her sports car. Not one ticket in forty years of driving and then three in the two years since she acquired her little mid-life crisis on wheels. She smirked and told Andy to tell the woman to enjoy driving school. Andy got back in the car and turned up the heat to try and warm up. Gail looked down at her watch again – 11:37. She was about to casually mention that maybe they should head back to the station early to warm up when dispatch echoed throughout the car. A teenage male had been spotted in the park visibly intoxicated and armed. Gail sighed and looked over to her partner who had the same look of defeat. They were the closest squad car and they both knew it. Gail flipped the lights and siren as she briefly closed her eyes and allowed herself to imagine herself snuggled up in Holly's bed one last time before releasing that dream into the night.

_A/N: This is going to be a 2-3 chapter story that has been stuck in my head for a few days. I haven't written anything since I finished 'Another Day' a few months ago. I am inspired by the continued great work of all those authors writing about Gail/Holly and wanted to write a little something to get back in the game. Just to forewarn you, Holly may make an appearance but this story is going to be all Gail. I also apologize for all grammatical errors – they are mine and they drive me up a wall._


	2. Swing Life Away

_A/N: This chapter deals with a very serious issue(s) that I do not pretend to be an expert at and this isn't intended to be advise on the matter. Please take this as a work of fiction only._

Gail zipped up her jacket and placed her hand over her gun subconsciously and habitually confirming it was still where it was supposed to be as she got out of the squad car and stood at the edge of the park near Andy. Snow accompanied the light gusts of wind chilling the bones of all those that dared walk outside. Gail felt a shiver roll up her spine as her body tried to adjust to the assault of weather hitting her face.

"McNally, the playground is about a half kilometer west. The kid was last spotted there. I think we should head in that direction and have Diaz and Epstein head east when they arrive. If he's in the middle we would then have him flanked on both sides." McNally nodded her head affirming the plan and they began to silently walk down the path toward the playground.

The park was deserted. It was close to midnight, the temperature was freezing and it was a school night. The desolation of the park and knowledge that there was a teenager somewhere nearby intoxicated and holding a gun gave the whole scene a deep sense of eeriness. Gail looked ahead and noticed the split in the path and instinctually yielded to the right with Andy following behind. It wasn't the first time they had been called to this park and Andy had long since recognized that Gail knew the layout better than anyone. She had grown up nearby and spent more days and nights than she could count hanging out on the rock formations with her misfit crew of so-called friends and their stockpile of pilfered beer and cigarettes. As long as she was back a few minutes before her parents walked into the door she knew she was in the clear. They never asked about her day or where she had been and all she had to do was keep up her grades; not get brought-in by a rookie who didn't know better than to arrest a Peck; and promise to one day join the police department and she was free to do whatever she pleased.

They crossed the small bridge covering the frozen-over stream and Gail was reminded of the day Jesse Kilpatrick took her there, handed her a few flowers he had pulled from the nearby garden, and kissed her without invitation and in front of half her class. It had been her first kiss and she had responded by kicking him in the shins and running in the opposite direction. She had liked Jesse like every other twelve year-old girl in school, but he had caught her by surprise and she was immediately embarrassed when she heard all the kids giggling and whispering. She had reacted like she did with almost everything – attack first and figure out the rest later. Gail huffed into the cold night air thinking it had taken fifteen more years to finally start breaking that cycle and how she struggled with it every day.

They finally broke through the woods and stopped at the edge of the clearing. The playground was situated on the far end and the two women immediately spotted the kid twisting back and forth on the swing using his shoulders against the chains to keep him upright as he held a pistol in one hand and a liquor bottle in the other. He was singing 'Hush, Little Baby' at random volumes mumbling half the words and making up the rest. Andy reached for her radio and whispered to dispatch they had found him and their location as Gail stayed focused on the guy waiting to see if he noticed their presence. His movements and singing never hitched so she knew they must be far enough away to still go undetected.

"You know, his voice is actually pretty good." Gail whispered and shrugged her shoulders.

Andy turned her head quickly towards Gail scrunching her forehead looking somewhat bewildered. "Really, Peck? That's the first thought that comes to your head?"

Gail immediately shot back, "No, McNally. My first twenty thoughts were ways to ensure that kid or we don't end up leaving this park in ambulances or body bags. The singing part just happened to be the first thing I expressed!"

Andy just shook her head. "Any of those twenty thoughts worth mentioning? I think we should wait for backup then approach the kid together and either talk him into giving us the gun or use force as necessary."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious. I don't think this kid is a danger to anyone but himself. He's singing nursery rhymes for god's sake." Gail leaned her head toward her radio turning down the volume before speaking. "Diaz, Epstein, what's your twenty?"

Gail heard the faint response of Diaz saying seven minutes when she noticed the kid put the pistol to his temple before quickly dropping it back down. The air in her lungs evaporated and her whole body lurched forward. She looked over to Andy, who was whiter than the snow, and quickly whispered. "We don't have seven minutes. Let's not spook him. One of us take the lead and the other stay close but not in his face."

Andy took a half-second to think before nodding her head. "Okay, you should take the lead. He looks more your type."

They both started walking quietly toward the swing set, never taking their eyes off the kid, but were still out of hearing range. "My type? What the hell does that mean, McNally?"

"You now, kinda emo -like."

Gail almost tripped on a rock hiding under the snow-covered grass. "Emo? Really? Do you even know what that means?"

Andy looked a little confused then exasperated. "Can we discuss this later? Are you taking the lead or what?"

"Uh yea…you clearly don't know how to deal with _my type_."

They reached the outer circle of the playground and the young guy finally picked up on their presence. Gail started to slowly walk forward as Andy held her position. Gail did a quick assessment as she prepared for his reaction to her intrusion on his plans. She estimated he was about seventeen or eighteen but looked young for his age. He had that same scrawny build and baby face she had seen in pictures of Dov from around that age. He had on a sweatshirt and jeans but nothing near what was needed for the current temperatures and she could see him shaking from ten yards away – whether it was from the alcohol, cold or more likely both was hard to tell. As she got closer and he turned to her, she recognized the band logo on his sweatshirt and made a mental note to educate McNally later on the difference between punk and emo. She was surprised he didn't curse, scream or lift his gun to himself or her as warning to leave him alone. Instead he just took another drink, looked down at his feet with tears streaming down his face and began another verse of his song.

She was now within a few feet of him and stopped leaning back against the frame of the swing set. She estimated Andy was not far off and safely within shooting distance. For that reason she didn't put her hand directly on her gun but did keep it nearby. Also, her grandfather had taught her how to quickly draw a weapon when she was still in elementary school and she had every confidence in being able to outgun this kid if the situation arose.

Gail took a deep breath and tried to come up with the right words to say. Not for the first time in her little walk from the woods did she wonder why she was doing this and not Andy. Andy was made for situations like – she just looked compassionate and loving. Gail mostly just saw herself as looking really pissed off. However, there was something about the way the kid was quietly assessing her from the corner of his eye as she assessed him that made her push forward.

"Hey, you know your voice is pretty good. Probably sounds a little better sober." Gail winced. Somewhere between her brain and her mouth, the words got jumbled and turned into sarcasm. She really needed to figure out what caused that and get it turned off.

As response, the kid's lip kind of quirked up on the right before he dropped his head again and continued swinging side-to-side. Gail turned her head slightly to catch Andy's assessment of the situation who just shrugged her shoulders and went to take a step forward. Gail put up her hand slightly stopping her and decided to try again.

"My partner over there has been singing Journey songs for the last three hours. Believe me, your voice is a welcome change."

After a few seconds of silence, Gail heard a low but audible question from the guy who still hadn't lifted his head "The band or Glee versions?"

Gail tilted her head to the side and watched her breath as it clouded around her. "Well, I think she was going for the band version, but it was a cappella so I guess that puts it more into the Glee category. Whatever it was, was awful and made me want to…"

"Shoot yourself?"

The kid had looked up and locked eyes with Gail as he said the words. She took in all the pain and anguish the kid had and it broke her heart. "…get out of the car and walk. It's too cold out here tonight to be outside though, so I've been dealing with the musical styling's of McNally over there. You…you don't even have a jacket. You've got to be freezing."

"I'm not really planning on sticking around long enough to catch a cold."

Gail tightened her lips and shifted her weight onto her other foot. She was really sucking at this and the kid knew it. His next sentence pretty much confirmed her theory.

"You're already talking about the weather two-minutes in? You're not very good at this. Shouldn't there be like a hostage negotiator or something?"

Gail squinted at him and volleyed back, "You don't have any hostages. Do you?"

The kid looked around as if he had forgotten something. "Uh…I guess I don't. I should have planned better."

"Nah, if you had hostages this conversation would not be about music and weather. Actually there wouldn't be any conversation; I would just shoot you in the leg."

"The leg? Are you that bad of a shot?" The kid kind of laughed which made Gail internally feel a bit of relief. If he was laughing, then he still had some capacity to feel emotions beyond despair and maybe there was some hope for this situation.

"I'll have you know I'm an excellent shot, but I am not in the habit of shooting kids. Especially ones that seem to have some plan to do it themselves, so you would get a bullet in the leg before my partner over there would tackle you to the ground. Then you would spend the rest of your days hobbling around in your cold prison cell up in Kawartha Lake."

"I thought you were here to try and talk me out of pulling the trigger."

"Well, I thought I would start by talking you out of taking hostages. My name is Gail. You got a name?"

This time the kid actually did laugh. "Alright, Negotiator Gail, what's it worth to you?"

He took another drink from the bottle. Gail noticed him wince as the liquor slid down his throat. The bottle was about half-full and she estimated by his reaction to the alcohol that A) he wasn't normally much of a drinker and B) The bottle didn't start off full and he wasn't all that drunk. Maybe she could see to it that he stayed that way.

Gail smiled. "I like your style, kid. Here is the thing though…your name is actually worth nothing to me except the negotiation handbook says I'm supposed to use it constantly to maintain a bond between us. Plus, I'll need it for my notes later. I guess I could just give you a name."

"How did I end up with the worst cop in all of Toronto? Is that one over there any better?"

"Do you want to sing a cappella with her? Did I mention her love of Nickelback?"

The kid looked over in judgment at McNally as Gail suspected anyone with a Rise Against sweatshirt would. He then turned back to her. "Yeah, I guess you'll do. You don't get my name though."

"That's fine. I'll just call you…Bruce. Told you it wasn't worth anything to me. You know what is though? That bottle. I'll give you my hat for that bottle. What do you say, Bruce?"

He contemplated the offer for a moment before countering. "Well, Negotiator Gail, I want the jacket."

Gail huffed. "Look at these arms and this skin, Bruce. Do you think I am going to last five-minutes out here without a jacket! That's a big ticket item. For the jacket, I get the gun. The bottle is only worth the hat. You look awfully cold, Bruce. Come on…even a dying man wants a warm head."

"You can't have the gun. How about the gloves? Bottle for gloves?"

Gail gave a dramatic pause before taking a few steps towards the kid as she pulled off her gloves. She didn't encroach upon his space, but she was close enough tackle him quickly if she needed which, along with getting the bottle in exchange for the gloves, was all part of her original plan. Starting with the hat was just an easy way to give him a win. Besides, the trigger space was small on that pistol and her bulky gloves were going to make it significantly harder for the kid to react quickly.

"Toss me the bottle and you get the gloves."

"Why should I trust you?"

"I haven't given you any reason not to. My gloves are off, Bruce. I'll tell you what; on three we both toss, alright?"

Still appearing suspicious the kid nodded his head anyway. Gail knew she was being tested and she had no intention of failing. She counted to three and softly tossed the gloves so they landed in the kid's lap. The bottle shanked a bit right, but she still caught it with ease. She poured out the rest of the contents and threw the bottle in the direction of McNally. As she did, she noticed two more figures in the distance and realized Diaz and Epstein must have finally got there. She hoped they stayed back – she didn't think this guy could handle a show.

She watched as he put on the gloves, placing the gun on his lap to do it. A part of her wanted to lunge forward and grab it, but the risk was too high. She had wrestled enough with her brother when they were kids to know it never went as planned. He finished putting on the gloves and picked up the gun with his right hand. Gail watched him stare at it intently. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down and he swallowed hard.

Without looking up from the gun, he quietly said, "Bruce is a stupid name. I'm not 'A Bruce.' Bruce's are athletic and popular. Offensive whatever's on the football team with girls praying good ol' boy Bruce will ask them to the prom. My Dad would have really liked a Bruce. He got me instead."

Gail took a few steps to the left and sat on the swing next to him. She tried not to react when the cold metal of the chain hit her now uncovered hands and used her feet to pivot the swing in the direction of the boy. "You don't seem so bad to me. If you tell me your real name, I'll quit calling you Bruce, Bruce."

He didn't take his eyes off the gun and shook his head 'no.'

"Bruce it is. Is that why you're here? You and your Dad get into a fight?"

Gail was a little startled by the volume and sharpness of the kid's laugh. The additional tears rolling down his face, however, didn't surprise her at all. "You could say that! He kicked me out. He kicked me out and my mom just let him. No! She more than let him, she supported him."

He stopped to try and collect himself wiping his nose using Gail's gloves. She almost said something, but stopped. It wasn't the time. Instead she just waited for him to continue. Whatever his story was, he needed to finish it for his own peace of mind. After a few minutes he picked up where he left off.

"Tomorrow's my eighteenth birthday. I got accepted into U of T early admission and my parents decided to have this celebratory dinner for me. My favorite foods…a cake…they even bought me the Gibson I have wanted forever. I know my Dad hates the music I play, but they got it for me anyway and I thought…I just thought maybe it was time you know. Maybe things were different and it would be alright. For years…years, I thought about what to say to them. When to do it…how to do it…would I get some kind of sign…and there we were sitting around the dining room table eating cake and I said it. I actually said it. I couldn't even hear the words coming out of my mouth, but I could see my Mom burst into tears and my Dad's fork drop to his plate. I think I actually said it again but I have no idea."

Gail felt her leg begin to involuntarily shake. She took in the way the kid was crying and shaking and didn't have one doubt as to what he had told his parents. She wanted to laugh out loud at the way the universe was playing tricks on her.

"My Mom just kept saying 'no' over and over. She said I was confused. My Dad, who never raised his voice once in our house…" He stopped and hiccuped trying to control his breathing. Gail wanted to reach over and wipe his tears away, but instead subtly brushed away her own.

"…he just sat there for a few minutes and then said…then said 'my son is not a faggot.' At first he said it kind of quiet and then he just stood up and yelled it. My Mom told me to take it back. She said we could pretend it never happened, but I had said it. I had finally said it out loud and I couldn't take it back. I didn't know how. That's when he kicked me out. He told me he didn't want to see me again until I learned how to be a man and then went to his room. My mom followed him. She followed him instead of being there for me! So I grabbed the liquor bottle and gun he keeps hidden in the basement and left."

Gail's mind was reeling and for a moment she felt as if she escaped her body and was looking down upon the playground watching the scene unfold. She could see McNally, Diaz and Epstein in the near distance and while they could probably hear everything that was being said, they made no effort to move. There were lights further out in the woods with additional reinforcements and probably the real counselor that should be dealing with this instead of her, but they weren't moving either. It gave her the silent encouragement that maybe she was doing better than she thought.

She didn't know if it was karma, fate, God, or chance that placed her in the swing next to this young man, but she cursed and thanked them all the same for making it her and no one else. For as much as she struggled with words and emotions, she knew she had no other choice but to give this kid everything she possibly could. His honesty deserved the same in return. After all, he did throw the bottle - he wanted to trust her.

She went to reach out to him, but pulled back before touching him. She then said, "I think I am supposed to tell you it gets better. That we will call your parents and work everything out and in the morning you will wake up to a candle in your pancakes and your parents singing you 'Happy Birthday.' I'm supposed to say things like that because it will get that gun out of your hands, but you're too smart for that aren't you, Bruce?"

He got his breathing under control and wiped his face with his hand. "I told you, I'm not a Bruce."

"Oh, I think you are. I think you are a hell of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit. What you did was incredibly brave."

"Look where it got me? I don't have a home. I don't even have a jacket! How brave was that?" He lifted the gun up to his chest. "I'm better off this way. They don't want me. They hate me. I hate me. I thought telling them would make me stop hating myself, but it just made it worse."

Gail looked up and noticed her fellow officers taking a step forward. She signaled with her left hand out of the kid's line of vision to stay put.

"Listen to me. Bravery isn't about the outcome, it's about the act. I know what it's like to bury a part of yourself so deep and hide it from everyone for so long that it just eats away at you. I know what it's like to look in the mirror and hate the person that is looking back at you. You have good days, even good months, but it never really goes away and you begin to start playing a role instead of being the person you are meant to be and then one day you just break. You think this is the answer but it isn't. I promise you."

He shook his head and pushed the gun further into his chest. "You said they tell you to say anything to get the gun out of my hand. Why should I trust you?"

"I already told you; I haven't given you a reason not to." Gail took a deep breath and leaned her head down to catch his eyes. "Hey, look at me. Please." He did as was asked and Gail watched as he took in the tear running down her cheeks and the look of pure honesty on her face. "When I was about your age, I was at some party with my boyfriend. Everyone was drinking and dancing and I was off in the corner taking a break. All of a sudden my boyfriend comes barreling at me accusing me of ogling some guy across the room. We got into this big dramatic fight and I left taking his car."

"Does this story have a point?"

"You know, Bruce, I listened to your story, so now you get to listen to mine. That's how this works." Gail glanced down and noticed he had lowered the gun back into his lap, but she didn't say anything. He acquiesced and nodded his head for her to continue.

"On my way home, I hit a patch of ice and began to slide off the road. I woke up the next morning in the hospital with a broken arm, bruised ribs, doting parents and a very apologetic boyfriend. To this day, I never told anyone what really happened. I think my brother suspected. He's always been good at figuring me out, but he never asked and I never said. I hadn't been drinking enough that night to be impaired in anyway and my Dad had me doing doughnuts in parking lots on sheets of ice for hours to make sure I knew how to drive in Toronto. When I hit that ice...in that moment, I had a choice and I chose to take my hands off the wheel."

Gail watched him watching her trying to determine if she were telling the truth. Curiosity got the better of him. "Why? You were going to kill yourself over a fight with your boyfriend?"

"No, it was never about the boyfriend just like I don't think this is really about your dad." Gail looked down and kicked a rock with her boot and listened to the creek of the swing as it slightly moved back and forth. "My boyfriend only got it half-right. I wasn't ogling the guy dancing across the room. I wasn't looking at him. I was looking at the woman dancing next to him. The way she moved, the way her black hair swaying with every step she took, I was mesmerized by her. I was in the middle of a party surrounded by all the people I went to school with and I couldn't stop myself from staring at some girl dancing thirty feet away. I ran out of that party mortified with myself. Hating myself to breaking my biggest rule. One I created during those confusing years of puberty when I had convinced myself that the only reason I liked girls the way I had started liking guys was because my older brother used to talk so much about them. I broke my rule to never let myself think that way again and taking my hands off the wheel was punishment and self-loathing."

He put both hands on the chains of the swing and leaned in closer to Gail. "You know, when your my age everyone says they want to be unique, but actually they are scared to death of being different. You get taunted for it so everyone wears the same clothes, listens to the same music and eats the same foods. I've always been different but I've always wanted to be the same, you know. Just fit in for once and not feel like such an outsider."

"I know."

"Did you tell them? When you woke up in the hospital? Is that the moral of your story?"

Gail shook her head and sighed. "No. I told you before what you did was incredibly brave, Bruce. I'm afraid I am not quite that brave of a person. I did wake up grateful to still be alive though, that's for sure. But I buried that part of myself again, this time even deeper. The boyfriend and I stayed together on and off for years. We even almost got married and there were other relationships, university, police academy, police officer…life just went on. It hasn't been a lie. Everything was real and genuine but there was always that part of me hidden away making me never one-hundred percent commit to anything because I had never really committed to one-hundred percent of me."

"I don't want that."

"I don't want you to want that either. Maybe your parents and you will make up and maybe you won't. I don't know. I wish more than anything I could tell you that they are waiting on the other side of the park ready to bring you home. What I can tell you is that if you end your life tonight, the world will grieve for a lost son and you will miss out on so much.

Have you ever read a book sitting on the porch on a rainy day with the smell of lavender floating through the air? Have you ever stood on the edge of the Grand Canyon and watched an eagle flying through the sky? Have you ever kissed someone and been so happy you can't stop the smile tugging on your face as your trying to kiss them and then become ever happier when you realize they are doing the same? There is so much out there to live for. Bruce, it's almost morning. Today is your birthday. No one should die on their birthday; especially not someone has extraordinary as you."

Gail watched as he picked up the gun one more time and then stared back at her. "I have nowhere to go. I don't know what happens next."

"What happens next is we walk out of this park together and then you get to spend some time at the hospital just so they can make sure you have the right people in your life to talk to and help you. Tomorrow morning I drag myself out of bed at seven a.m. No, make that eight a.m. and I slog myself to the nearest bakery to buy you a cake, come visit you and sing 'Happy Birthday' as I curse you for being awake so early. However, Bruce, cake for breakfast is another thing that should not be missed out in life so I'll make it happen for you. I'll probably come see you the day after and, if you learn to be a little less sarcastic, maybe even the day after that. Everything else is up to you."

"Tell me it gets better. I know you said that is what you're supposed to say, but I need to hear it."

Gail smiled a genuine smile. "Six-weeks ago I was standing in this room watching my best friend ramble on and on about all this stuff and I looked at her and realized she cared about me – truly cared about me and saw me for everything I am. I released that hidden, buried, dying part of me and I allowed myself to truly be free. I kissed her. I kissed her, I apologized for kissing her, and then when I saw she wanted it as much as I did I kissed her again and wasn't apologetic at all."

They both smiled at each other enjoying the moment of calm.

"So, did you smile into the kiss?"

Gail laughed. "No, not that time. It was too new and too intense of a moment, but there have been times since where the sheer happiness of finding that person that just makes you whole; makes you want to be a better person and dance for no reason; it makes me smile like a mad woman and there is nothing better than hearing her laughter and joy from feeling the same way.

It took me a long time, Bruce, to find my way back home. I haven't figured it all out yet and I am bound to make some over-the-top, totally insane mistakes; but I can _honestly_ say to you, without doubt, that if you are willing to be true to yourself it_ most certainly gets better._"

"Ryan. My name is Ryan."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ryan."

"I think I'm ready to negotiate for that jacket now, Gail."

Gail gave him a teary smile. "It's going to cost you one gun; but since it's your birthday, I'll throw in the hat too."

Gail stood slowly and unzipped her jacket. Her fingers felt like icicles but she managed to get it off just the same. She took her hat off and held them both out to Ryan who was also standing. "Should we do this on three?"

"No, Gail, I trust you." He then handed the gun over and allowed Gail to walk up to him placing the hat on his head and handing over the jacket.

"You know, maybe you aren't quite as bad of a cop as I thought you were?"

"Tell that to my boss when I try to explain to him how I lost half my uniform to an eighteen year-old kid." Gail linked her arm in Ryan's and began walking them toward the trail leading back to the car.

Ryan laughed loudly. It was a genuine laugh that filled the night's sky and warmed Gail's heart. He stopped a few feet shy of where Dov, Andy and Chris were standing and turned toward Gail with a serious expression. "I'll tell your boss you saved my life tonight. I'll tell him you gave me my dreams back."

Gail gave him a tight-lipped smile trying to hold back her tears. "Happy birthday, Ryan."

Gail tugged on his arm a little to continue to walk.

"You know, the name Bruce is kind of growing on me. Maybe I'll change it."

"It is a good a name, but I think Ryan is a better name. I think 'A Ryan' is smart and funny; sings better than police officers and has an amazing future ahead of him. That's a Ryan."

"You know, you may just be right. Maybe I'll name my first dog, Bruce."

Gail listened as Ryan began imagining what kind of dog he was going to get someday as they began to pass Dov, Chris and Andy. She could tell by the look on their faces and the tear stains on their cheeks they must have heard some, if not all, of their conversation and she was oddly okay with that. Her words couldn't only be for Ryan, she needed to be true to herself too. She made eye contact with each of them and noticed something she never really had seen from her friends towards her – there was pride and respect in each of their eyes. She nodded in their direction as they wordlessly fell in-line behind her and Ryan and they all walked out of the park together.


	3. You Are Enough

A/N: _I know I said this whole story was going to be Gail's pov, but the first word I typed was 'Holly' and it just seemed right._

Holly shuffled into the living room rubbing her eyes trying to wake herself up enough to make coffee. It was almost seven in the morning and all she wanted to do was crawl back into bed but that wasn't really an option. She had to get to work and her bed wasn't going to provide the comfort she wanted anyway – it just didn't feel the same anymore without Gail buried with her deep under the covers. She cursed that stupid one a.m. rule they created for the tenth time since she woke to an empty bed and then shook her head and sighed – six-weeks of dating and she already wasn't sleeping the same without her girlfriend next to her. She used to mock her friends for acting so codependent this early into a relationship, but now she understood.

As she went to turn into the kitchen, a lump roughly the size of a curled up human on the sofa caught her attention. She squinted to investigate and cautiously looked around. She wasn't aware of robbers taking naps in the middle of heists and her apartment was on the sixth floor of a secured building so the chances of a drunk stumbling in seemed unlikely. It was still pretty dark in the room but, as she took a few steps closer, Holly could easily make out the trademark blonde hair of her girlfriend peeking out from under the blanket covering everything but the top of her head.

Holly padded the rest of the way towards the sofa and softly pushed the blanket down to reveal the rest of Gail's head and shoulders. She was sound asleep and slightly drooling onto the pillow under her; curled up in a ball facing Holly with one of her hands half-covering her face. Holly tilted her head to the side when she noticed Gail was still wearing her uniform. She wondered when her girlfriend had arrived and under what circumstances would she be on the sofa in uniform and not in bed deliciously curled up next to and preferably naked with her. Holly looked over to the coffee table and noticed Gail's boots lined up nearby and her jacket, gloves, utility belt and hat neatly folded on the table. Her gun, however, was nowhere to be found which didn't surprise her; Gail wouldn't leave it out in the open, even in a place she knew was safe and secure. She went to turn back to her girlfriend when the name on the inside of the jacket caught her attention. Even in the dim light she could see it said Diaz and not Peck.

Holly scratched her chin with her thumb conflicted. She really should let Gail sleep but her curiosity was going to distract her all morning if she left her girlfriend there to go to work without knowing why she was on the sofa. She pinched the bridge of her nose and sat down on the coffee table trying to decide what to do. Before she could make a decision, she heard a low mumble fill the room.

"Are we having a staring contest? If so, I don't think you understand the rules of the game." Gail grabbed the blanket as she was talking, lifted it under her chin and buried herself deeper into the pillow never opening her eyes to look at her girlfriend.

Holly reached over and tucked a piece of Gail's hair behind her ear before letting her fingers slide down her cheek. "Gail, why are you on the sofa?"

Gail garbled into the pillow. "It twas acker gun."

Holly leaned in a little closer. "Huh? Your gun?"

This time Gail slid her eyes open a little and looked up at her girlfriend's confused expression. "It was after one. Way after, but I just wanted to be here. Then I got here and I knew you had to get up for work early and I didn't want to wake you and break our rule…"

"Gail…babe..." Holly slid over to the sofa and sat in the space near Gail's curled up legs. She leaned down and kissed the blonde's cheek before resting her chin on her shoulder. "It's just a silly rule, not the law of the land. If you need me, I'm here – no matter what time it is. My bed is always,_ always _open to you."

Gail turned her head slightly to make eye contact. "I don't wanna mess things up."

Holly smiled and let her sanguine eyes give assurance to her girlfriend's worry. "I promise that you are not even coming close to messing things up."

Gail reached up and stroked Holly's cheek softly before turning onto her back so that Holly's upper body was lying on top of hers. She tilted her head up slightly to capture the brunette's lips to her own and kept her hand on Holly's shoulder keeping her near as she broke the kiss.

"It was a long night. There are some things…some things I want to tell you. "

Holly took in Gail's serious but calm expression. She could tell something had shifted in Gail last night, but she couldn't even fathom a guess. What she did know was that Gail would tell her in her own way when she was ready. It would probably come in fragments and Holly would have to fit them together like puzzle pieces. She was learning that, with Gail, it was the best way she knew how to communicate. The fragments would sometimes come in analogies and other times wrapped in witty sarcasm, but they were always honest and they always revealed some part of the person Gail wanted Holly to see.

Holly thumbed the collar of Gail's uniform. "Would some of those things explain why you are still in uniform and why you have Chris's jacket?"

Gail gave a sleepy smile and thought back to why she had Diaz's jacket. As Ryan and she had begun to walk out of the park last night, Chris had silently slipped his jacket over her shoulders. Dov soon followed by giving her his hat and Andy quickly passed over her gloves. Each of her friends hadn't just given her a part of their uniform; they had given a part of themselves ensuring she stayed warm and they would all get in trouble for giving up their uniforms if Frank actually did take exception to it (not that anyone thought he would, but the symbolism spoke volumes).

"Very observant of you, nerd. Yeah, I guess it would. I'll explain. I don't want to hide from you. I don't want to hide from anyone anymore."

Holly was taken aback by the sincerity of Gail's response. She reached for the hand Gail still had on her shoulder and laced the blonde's fingers with her own and whispered. "Gail…talk to me."

Gail squeezed Holly's hand. "I will, but you need to get to work. I know you. You were probably running late when you walked in here. We'll talk later. I promise."

Holly looked over to the clock on the wall and noticed she was, in fact, going to be late if she didn't get moving. She sighed and turned back to Gail. She wasn't going to push any further to get Gail to talk, but she wasn't quite ready to leave her girlfriend's embrace either. "What time did you get here last night?"

Gail couldn't help but yawn just thinking about it. "It was after three." She paused for a second and then added, "There was this kid. He was… He was in the park and we needed to help him."

Holly filed Gail's words for later – she was starting to get the pieces of the puzzle. "Is he okay? Is everyone okay?"

They both knew the 'everyone' Holly was asking about was Gail just as they also both knew that the 'we' Gail referred to was her.

"Yeah, I think he's going to be fine. He was in a bad place, but I think he broke through. I need to get up soon though. I promised him I would bring him cake for breakfast."

Holly laughed in confusion. "Cake for breakfast? Did you finally find someone with as bad of eating habits as you?"

"Today's his eighteenth birthday. It calls for breakfast cake."

Another puzzle piece. Holly leaned down and kissed her girlfriend soundly and then pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes when something just clicked. "This kid…he's at the hospital isn't he?"

Gail just nodded and played with the hair that had fallen down around Holly's face. "He's going to be okay. He didn't hurt…he's going to be okay, but he's all alone and he needs cake."

Holly kissed Gail's shoulder and muttered into her girlfriend's neck. "Because birthdays call for breakfast cake."

"See, Hol, I knew you would get it." Gail smiled and kissed Holly's forehead next to her hairline. They were so many things she wanted to tell Holly about from last night. Partially because she didn't want her to hear it from other people, but mostly because she just wanted Holly to know. She wanted her to understand why she had crashed her car when she was seventeen. Why she felt this undeniable need to continue to help Ryan in any way she could; but mostly she wanted Holly to know how much their relationship was helping her find happiness and a sense of calm that she had never experienced before. Being this connected to someone scared her, but at the same time she wanted to embrace it and share her inner world with this amazing woman lying next to her.

Holly observed how contemplative Gail was for going on such little sleep. It threw her slightly but Gail didn't appear sad or angry so she decided to roll with it for now. Her inner voice, however, was calling out telling her to not leave Gail today. There was something in Gail's demeanor that was just calling for her to stay close.

"There is a bakery two blocks from here that ranks 'Amazing' on the 'Stewart Scale of Sinful Snacking.' I can show you where it is."

Gail lightly chuckled and bit her lip – a habit she is pretty sure she didn't have before hanging out with Holly. "Please tell me why I haven't heard of this sinful snacking scale until now, Dr. Stewart? It is things like this that would have got me in your bed a lot quicker than six-weeks ago! And here I thought you only had a granola and yogurt scale?"

"Oh, I have one of those too. For the record, plain Greek yogurt, bananas, maple syrup with pumpkin-spiced granola is perfection."

Gail just wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Take out everything but the maple and add bacon and doughnuts and I couldn't agree with you more."

Holly shook her head and went to respond when the alarm on Gail's phone started to go off. She reached over and grabbed it off the table handing it to her girlfriend who promptly turned it off.

"Hol, it's getting late…"

"Do you work today?"

Gail shook her head. "No. I have a double tomorrow."

Holly played with Gail's collar again nervously. "What if…what if I didn't work today either?"

"You, Holly Stewart, Queen of the Nerds, play hooky from work? Do your people even understand what that is? Would you be boldly going where no nerd has gone before?"

Holly swatted Gail's shoulder lightly. "I'll have you know I do get vacation days just like you mere mortals."

"Oh, really? And how many have you used this year exactly? And I am not talking about the ones you tell your boss six-months in advance and give step-by-step written instructions to every other person in the lab on how to operate the machines you have claimed as your own."

"Uh…well…uh..." Holly caught the bemused glint in Gail's eye and gave a lopsided grin in return. "I believe I once told you I'm all for trying new things."

"Pretty sure I win that category. Won't the dead bodies pile up or something?"

It amused Holly that Gail seemed to believe she was the only one in the morgue that knew how to do anything. "Nah, I have detailed instructions next to all the work stations. Besides, I was on paperwork duty today. I can go in tomorrow instead." If Gail was working a double she probably would have just spent her Saturday having a mini-marathon of mindless television anyway.

Gail kissed her girlfriend a few times before shifting to sit them both up. She leaned back against the cushions but kept her attention to Holly. "Do you want to eat cake for breakfast with Ryan and me?"

Holly recognized the weight of the question. Gail not only told her the name of the kid but she was also inviting her to be part of her promise to him.

"I don't want to intrude. I can wait outside…"

"No, I'd like you to meet him. If that's okay?"

Holly took Gail's hand and kissed her fingers. "I think birthday cake for breakfast sounds like a wonderful idea."

"I hope your singing voice is better than mine. I may have promised him a birthday song too."

Holly took in a deep dramatic breath. "You didn't mention there would be singing involved! This poor kid…the cake better be spectacular to make up for my voice."

Gail laughed into Holly's shoulder. "Hey, do you want to go to lunch with my brother and Traci? There are some things I want to talk to him about too and I'd like you to be there."

Holly couldn't help but turn serious. "Gail, is everything okay? We tell each other things. Please…"

"Hol, it's okay. Everything is okay. Really. Last night was…it was difficult. This kid, he was going to end his life because he…he hated himself for who he was." Gail averted her eyes from Holly's intense stare and quietly said, "I've been there."

Gail could hear Holly's breathing quicken and she reached out to her cupping her cheek. "It was years ago. I'm not in that place anymore, I swear to you. I swear, but this kid…Ryan…I can't explain it. He was me and I was him only he had the bravery to say things I haven't, or didn't until last night."

So many pieces of the puzzle… Holly let a tear roll down her cheek - she couldn't contain it. She was now beginning to understand fully the shift in her girlfriend from last night and she had never been more thankful for actually listening to her inner voice and deciding to stay home instead of leaving Gail to go to work. This was a conversation they had avoided for the last six-weeks. They had spoken about Gail's confusion entering into this relationship and her fears along with her own, but never took on one of the underlying topics. Was Holly the first woman Gail had ever been attracted to? Was she going to label herself one way or another? Holly never pressed it because it wasn't an issue. Gail was invested in their relationship as fully as she was and labels were for other people's benefit not theirs; but she could see now by the way Gail's words hitched that it was something that was bothering her and likely the reason she hadn't been public about them yet.

"Gail, I think this conversation is bigger than breakfast cake."

Gail nodded in agreement. "I just want you to know I'm ready. I'm ready to have the conversation and I'm ready...I want you to be in my life – every part of it."

"I would love to come to lunch with you, Traci and your brother."

"And maybe the Penny later? Andy is having some kind of blah, blah, blah Sam welcome home thing."

"Sure."

"Great. And how about Sunday brunch with my parents?" Gail couldn't help but laugh at the panicking wide-eyes of her girlfriend. "Or you know, maybe a few Sundays from now. I'm open to suggestions."

Holly finally composed herself and grinned widely. "You really get the meaning of 'all in' don't you?"

Gail returned the grin. "With you, yeah, I think I do."

"Once again I must say you are not coming even close to messing things up. Gail Peck, you are really, _really_ getting this right." Holly captured Gail's lips with her own and couldn't stop herself from smiling into the kiss. Her grin grew even wider when she felt Gail do the same until they both found themselves joyously laughing in each other's arms.

Gail pulled back and lightly traced Holly's lips with her finger and whispered quietly. "It most certainly does get better."

_A/N: Words cannot express how thankful and humbled I am by the feedback I have received on this story. Just imagine a little rat running around her living room like a happy little fool with each new emailed review. I apologize that this final chapter took a little longer to write – life kind of got in the way (and by life, I mean creating glorious spreadsheets for work)._

_A few of you noted that crossover of Gail's car accident from 'Another Day.' First, great catch on a one-line comment from Steve in that story. Secondly, yes the back stories of the car accident would be the same. I had come up with the idea for 'Another Day' but never found the right place to expand upon it and it somehow grew over the last few months into this story._

_In case you are wondering the title of this story was 'borrowed' from the Brandi Carlile song 'In the Morrow.' Chapter 2, 'Swing Life Away' is a song by Rise Against and Chapter 3's title "You Are Enough' is from the group Sleeping At Last. All quite amazing songs in my opinion. _


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